For you will discover a small battalion of ants hauling away a rogue toe nail.
My friends, these are lean times, and even the most lowly of the animal kingdom have felt their fair share of hardship. We humans can no longer afford to be so careless with our crumbs, so you would think that our dear ant guests would either starve or stay outside (WHERE THEY BELONG) and find food there, right?
That’s what the ants said, I heard them.
And I imagine this dialogue prompted the entire event:
Ant Bob: Hey, Billy, whatcha got there?
Ant Billy: Oh hey Bob. I was just kinda running around and I ran into this thing and now I’m taking it home.
Ant Bob: NICE. Hey Carl! Come help us haul over this thing!
Ant Carl: Thing?? What thing?
Ant Billy: *This* thing! It smells weird so I’m taking it home!
Ant Carl: OH COOL. Hey Jimmy, come help us get this thing!!
And in the morning, you will awaken from sweet dreams to a commotion on your nightstand. A small black army will be clamoring to feed on your tasty, tasty discarded keratin bits, and you will watch in varying levels of horror, disgust, and intrigue. Next of course you’ll commandeer the nearest hose vacuum to eradicate the bulk of them, and follow up by spraying the stragglers with Victoria’s Secret Fragrance Mist. That’ll teach them to eat things that aren’t food.
“Very Sexy” this Ant Billy.